The Big D

Fuckin should have known the night was doomed when I did that enema way too close to game time and was still sitting there with the impulse to shit at 730, when the date is at 8. The date that imploded into nothing. Just disappeared. 3 weeks in the making. Hours of texting, getting to know someone who was half that person. Wrong name, wrong job location, right job, right kids, right location, wrong penis size who knows.

I mean we vibed so hard via text. Funny bc I rarely feel that. How hard it is to keep a text convo flowing. But we did. And he told me he worked at Wegmans so I kept hounding him about the fucking corn muffin recipe which he kept evading my questions, but instead he works at a totally different place which means he just lies.. I remember trying to lie in 7th grade and it was hard. Must be a smart mother fucker to be able to remember all your lies, right?

 

You know and he fucking lied about being smart. He pretended to have a double major. Proudly stated bio and Psych. But I stalked that mother fucker on linkedin and he minored in psych. E says he's living his best version on the app. Who isn't I guess.

 

So why did this big dicked time wasting mind fucker stand me up? E thinks he's got a woman or something that wouldn't allow him to meet me. I duno tho. My theory is revenge. He does not have his profile pic up. He messages before (those upgrades that you pay for) and was all sweet and naughty so I swiped right and then he sends me a private pic and he looks like a guy that I grew up with. Nothing wrong with that guy, I just don't want to fuck him. So ya, it was messed up that I knee jerk reaction was NO. But we kept talking and talking and talking and by this I mean texting like throughout the day. I was so happy these few weeks, so fuckin weird to be all clingy on a strangers texts, but I was diggin it!! Vibing on feeling sexy again. After 8 years of barely a compliment, I had forgotten that I am a sexy bitch. But M helped me remember. 

 

So the first weekend we plan to meet, his coworker gets in a car accident, so he has to cover. Whatever dude. I don't really believe him but don't care. We continue to text for another week. Then I mention that I imagine he's going to back out again. He stated how hot I was and when I mentioned him standing me up, he said What? no way you're too fucking hot blah blah and I said right. In my head it was sarcastic. I'm kinda getting back into my sexy bitch self, but ya know, it was gone a long time. So I was feeling incredibly nervous and vulnerable but excited because M was so on board with everything I was. So I didn't expand on it. Just made it sound like OBVI. which I mean kinda sounds like a huge conceited bitch. or a confident empowered female. FUCK ME>

this happened to me in high school too. This dude. I told him I had never been dumped and he dumped me because he thought I should know how it feels. Then he tried to get back together. No fucker. Don't go teach me a lesson. He's actually dead now, rest in peace.

But back to M, which is the real initial of his fake and real name. He lied from the get go. So he had no interest in meeting me.

Random tangent- whoever can figure out how to get back porn should get a fucking Nobel Prize. I can't believe that the first person I ever sent nudes (not really semi) to someone who is too bitch ass to use his real name via text. So weird to not be honest.

D this other guy im into, is the complete opposite. He's a super transparent and party animal kind of guy. I think I'm more comfortable with that anyways. He knows his way around a pussy for sure and my sole concern with this one is STDs. Can I wrap my entire body? Can we sterilize you (might as well do me as well right?) How abouts do you propose this to someone without offending them?

That was the thing about M. He is smart and cares about his body and doesn't pollute it so he wouldn't have worried me like D does. But he did do some fuckshit of stuff to my mind. I'm hoping if I dump it here, I'll leave it behind. It was just so nice and for some reason, my mind keeps going back to it and reliving how gooey happy i felt. I think older men may be more complicated because they have been burned harder or are more set in their ways.

Ugggh my feelings are so hurt and my time so wasted. Or was it? Because I'm feeling so good and things are so good. I should be grateful, I have a woke pussy and yes, I am a sexy bitch.

Or maybe he died? mmmm that's what happened. Rest in peace M ;0 unless you're reading this and then text me mother fucker.